The Same, Yet Different
by zunarj5
Summary: Jimmy has a change of heart after he and Thomas have called a truce for nearly a year. (SEASON 3 SPOILERS!)
1. A New Sensation

It had been a long day for everyone below stairs. Although a chilly July by previous standards, it was not difficult to stay warm when rushing about as much as they did. The garden party was a great success. Carson and Mrs. Hughes were rather pleased with how it all transpired despite their grumbling. Though perhaps less extravagant since the Great War, the arrangement was still impressive. The refreshments were sumptuous as always, the garden furniture rested under the ecru canopies, and everyone stood, dressed in the understated elegance of this new decade, in the infrequent patches of sun to stay warm.

Thomas Barrow stood at a distance for one moment during that day to look out at the grand scene. He wished that Lady Sybil could be here. The sound of her laughter would fill the air as her daughter sat on her knee. How she had lost out. And Matthew too. Their absence made every gathering the Crawleys ever hosted henceforth a sort of mockery. Thomas felt a chill as a sharp breeze cut his face. He continued his duties for the day and tried not to think of his pangs.

After several hours, the guests began to disperse and one by one the cars pulled away and drove down the long gravel drive. The staff cleared everything away with near-military precision and headed back toward the kitchen to begin dinner. The evening dragged on until at long last the servants themselves dispersed.

Once in his room again, Thomas was almost too tired to remove his clothing, so he sat on the bed thinking of past times. Perhaps it was good that the grandeur of old was dying along with those who did not deserve death so soon. And what did he care for his masters? Although happier in some ways, his resentment and bitterness still lingered. Suddenly, there was a knock at the door.

"Who is it?"

"Me."

Thomas snapped himself out of his increasingly foul mood in an instant and said, "Come in, Jimmy." Mr. Kent stood in the doorway for a moment before entering. Even in the muted light of Barrow's room, Jimmy's blond hair shone as it hung about his temples. He closed the door behind him. He was painfully fair and beautiful in Thomas's eyes, and the the soft lines of his square jaw did grab his attention on many occasions. Thomas almost envied Jimmy for his wholesome looks and hated himself for his own roguish ones.

Presently, Barrow's mind was taken back to September 1921 when Jimmy came to see him after he had been attacked at the fair. Gratitude brought him to his room then. Their agreement to be friends had made him contented. Thomas was very sorry not to have his romantic feelings reciprocated, but an amicable relationship, however platonic, was quite welcome, particularly after O'Brien's exit. Over the past 10 months Mr. Kent had become an ally. Jimmy used to have a permanent scowl on his fair face when he looked at Thomas after the incident of the late-night kiss, but they had put that animosity behind them. The under-butler no longer felt such consuming guilt every time he laid eyes on Jimmy. That evening nearly a year ago, Jimmy had looked almost ashamed at his own actions. Although he had been disturbed my Barrow's sexual attentions, he had saved him from a severe beating. He could not deny that. Jimmy had called him "brave," and he meant it. From there on in they were comfortable around one another and could converse freely as friends. Yet now, Jimmy's sheepish look had returned.

"Something on your mind?" Jimmy nodded. He didn't look up.

"Must be bad." Thomas was almost amused, but when Jimmy didn't answer he looked at him with more scrutiny.

"Cigarette?" Jimmy refused. Thomas thought this might be some sort of confession. Perhaps it was "girl trouble." He wasn't sure if he could bear it. Yet they were friends now and he may be obliged to lend an ear.

"Go on," he encouraged. Jimmy breathed in silently. He looked up though still in thought. Thomas locked eyes with the footman. Something had changed but he had no idea what. Nothing had happened to alter Jimmy's attitude toward him. No incident was mentioned that might spark a change. Perhaps he had discovered some of his past deeds, or maybe someone had been telling Jimmy lies about him that were worse than anything Thomas had committed. He wished Jimmy would just get it over with.

"Do you remember, the day of the fair, obviously you do, when I said that I can never give you what you want?" Thomas remembered all too well that bittersweet day when he lost a potential lover and gained a friend.

"Yes," Thomas replied quietly as he cast his eyes in another direction. "I said that I didn't ask for...anything."

"Well," Jimmy started. He looked downward and without moving his head a second time he turned his eyes back on Barrow. "Today I – I thought I might like to...try."

Thomas tried not to let his imagination run away with him and asked as calmly as he could manage, "Do you mean...what I think you mean?"

"Yes," Jimmy admitted with soft confidence. Thomas got up slowly and walked over to him. The smell of the out-of-doors still lingered on them both. The sun had started to sink in the sky and the yellow sunlight that slanted in through the room accentuated Jimmy's honey-coloured hair. Jimmy approached Thomas like a boxer in the ring and the under-butler almost laughed. A smile began to play on his face. Jimmy had no idea what joy he was bringing him.

"Relax," Thomas said, trying not to be too seductive at first. How he had hungered for this, dreamed of this. It was too good to be true. Jimmy attempted to loosen his shoulders but ended up looking even more like a boxer in his first real match. His face was crimson with embarrassment. Thomas reached behind the younger man's neck to pull him a little closer, his finger finally weaving between the golden strands. Their lips met, flatly at first, but then they nestled together. The heat on Barrow's cool lips was titillating and he wrapped an arm around Jimmy's back instinctively. The footman did not pull away but roughly gripped the front of Thomas's waistcoat and shirt. A deep yet hushed grunt vibrated through Thomas's nose as he deepened the kiss. Simultaneously they both wrenched eachother closer. Their hips met. They broke apart with a passionate sound. Their hands clutched eachother's waists and shoulders.

"You're hard," Thomas said hoarsely. He was almost in disbelief. "Here," he said as he gently moved him over to the corner table. He began to unbutton Jimmy's uniform, occasionally stopping to kiss him. Soon his trousers were loosened and hung about his waist.

"Are you sure?" Thomas wanted to be certain that Jimmy consented wholeheartedly. The footman nodded yes. Thomas did not just want to separate himself from any guilt in the matter, but he suddenly remembered what it was like not knowing. He knew exactly what Jimmy was feeling. He tenderly maneuvered the untried young man to the small table, leaning him over it, and slowly drawing his trousers down past his buttocks. Jimmy held onto the table for support.

Thomas felt a veritable rod in his trousers that needed to come out. The desire was so strong that his mind was a complete blank. His only purpose was to unfasten his trousers. As soon as his alarmingly rigid member was free he let it touch Jimmy's bare backside. He gripped Jimmy's hip with his left hand and used his unengaged fingers to part his tight opening. As soon as Barrow's cock had started to slide in, he grasped Jimmy's right hip with a corresponding hand. Inexperienced Mr. Kent emitted what can only be described as a long and drawn out gutteral g sound. Thomas threw his head back and smiled. His actions had produced the desired effect.

Now Barrow's manhood faced another kind of entrapment, but this one promised a release. He began to piston, slowly at first so that Jimmy could savour every inch of his dart. Pleasure began to consume Thomas, his eyes shut tightly and he began to grunt softy with every stroke. Jimmy was falling into the glorious abyss himself. As Thomas increased his speed, Jimmy almost wimpered and screwed up his eyes in painful pleasure. Between Barrow's grunting and his own groans, it was not long before Jimmy felt himself going over the top. He squeezed his own cock, working it vigorously in rhythm with Barrow's, until he lost control completely. His member went off like a firecracker and he moaned loudly. And with that, Thomas came beautifully, filling Jimmy with his cum during his final, powerful groan.

Jimmy, panting like a dog with heatstroke, gripped the table in front of him and let his head drop to the cool wooden surface. Thomas's trembling body fell softly on top of him. The nearly dead weight gave him a sort of comfort in the awkwardness of the situation. But suddenly Jimmy made a move to rise to his feet and they stood apart, their still throbbing members exposed.

"Christ, I'm so hot. I feel like I'm going to be sick," Jimmy said breathing heavily. Sweat poured off his forehead.

"Are you?" Thomas said anxiously, moving towards him. He put a hand on his shoulder. Jimmy tightened his mouth and eyes and breathed in hard through his nostrils. He exhaled audibly through pursed lips. "No," he said before opening his eyes. He swallowed hard.

"Is it always like this?"

"What? Grab it while you can? Not always." Thomas thought back to his affair with that bastard Duke of Crowborough. True, it was a bit more leisurely, but still clandestine. Still illegal. "Come and sit down," Thomas urged. Jimmy was quite shaken. They both sat on the bed in silence. Thomas handed him a handkerchief so he could dry himself off.

"Buggery, isn't that what they call it?" Thomas suddenly felt guilty again. Perhaps he had taken advantage.

"I shouldn't have let this happen," Thomas sighed, shaking his head. He had been through this before. The shock, the fear of sodomy laws, the guilt, the worry at being caught. Jimmy reached for Barrow's hand. Thomas looked at him quizzically. They looked at one another thoughtfully, trying to fathom the other's thoughts. Thomas took Jimmy's hand and kissed it.

"We'd better clean our uniforms," Jimmy said. They both smiled.

"You alright?"

"Yes." Jimmy reached into his own pocket for a hankerchief and handed it to Thomas who took it with a word of thanks. He dried himself clean.

"I never thought it could be so wonderful." Thomas was almost stunned at this admission. He yearned to feel pleasure himself for so long, that he had forgotten the ecstasy he could give to another man. "How could something like this be illegal?" Jimmy asked no one in particular as he did up his uniform. "We haven't hurt anyone," he added, trying to bring logic into the equation. Thomas considered it, as he had millions of times before.

"I don't know," he began simply, "Carson says it's because of a twist of nature, but I don't think he actually has a reason for it being 'foul' as he puts it. I don't know that anyone does." Jimmy didn't say anything. He had thought those things too and he didn't even understand why.

"Why did you change your mind?" Jimmy didn't know if he could answer that either, but after a moment's pause he did.

"I was watching you today, standing close to the house," he said quietly, "You had the saddest look on your face I've ever seen on anyone. I thought that a man who feels that profoundly can't be all bad."

"Well that explains some of it." He was rather complacently amused, but tears came to his eyes as he grinned. He buttoned up his own livery. They sat still for sometime, their hands joined and their thoughts engaged. The night was drawing in and the strain of the day began to catch up with them. Jimmy took a deep breath and stood up. Thomas looked at him, trying not to show his disappointment.

"I have a lot to think about," Jimmy said, turning to him. Thomas got up and kissed him on the lips, just in case it was the last time. Jimmy's mouth was a little cooler now, but still succulent. They parted again but Thomas had one last question.

"Whatever happens, promise me one thing."

"What?" Jimmy stood my the door with his hand on the handle.

"That we will stay friends."

"I promise, I truly promise."


	2. Dangerous Freedom

Thomas stuck his head out into the hall to see if anyone was awake. It was a little before anyone bellow stairs (other than Daisy) was up and about. The morning light was just seeping into the hallway. Night still lingered in the air. Not seeing a soul, Thomas silently backed into his room. Yet, through the crack he could see Jimmy's door open too. The footman's eye could be seen through the sliver. His light was on and glowed yellow behind him. Its contrast between the dark blue morning light in the semi-darkness of the hallway made Jimmy's doorway look like a gash into the heavens. Jimmy didn't move at first, but kept his eye on the under-butler. Thomas remembered their nighttime encounter in a flash – their erotic noises, Jimmy's uneasiness, the tenderness of afterglow. Presently, James motioned to him silently. Thomas cautiously shut his own door and made his way to Jimmy's. His bare feet prevented a lot of noise. Jimmy let him in, closing the door behind them. They embraced softly. The words melted away before they were even uttered. Jimmy had not lied; they were still friends after their moment of pleasure. He had not betrayed him.

Their strong arms clutched one another's torsos. Thomas disengaged them while keeping his arms wrapped around Jimmy's shoulders. Jimmy looked into Barrow's eyes and then at his mouth. He leaned as close as he could and Thomas moved the last inch so that they touched. They tasted each other's lips, dragging them slightly across in gentle sideways caresses that caught and teased them. The light touches were maddeningly exciting and they pushed closer, deeper. They opened their muscular jaws with every movement of their tongues.

"Jimmy," he spoke into his mouth. Tears threatened him but he held them back. His eyes were half mast, his lungs and heart were pumping softly. They were both trembling.

"I couldn't wait." Jimmy's voice was hot and strong. "I had to thank you, to talk to you before we started work."

"I came," Thomas said between feverish kisses, "looking," he breathed, "for you too." After a short spell of nuzzling, fondling, he stopped. Their lips hung together, moist and lingering.

"Why did you want to thank me?" he asked with some of his old cheekiness. Jimmy's eyes narrowed and his nostrils flared but soon his mouth curled up into a soft smile.

"You know why."

"Are you bein' ironic?"

"What'd you mean?"

"Don't you remember?" Thomas scoffed as Jimmy puzzled momentarily. Then the memory of the exact words spoken came back to him. He had asked Thomas why he had been following him the day of the fair. "You know why," Thomas had said. Jimmy sighed and leaned his forehead on Thomas' chest. The older man held the back of his head tenderly. Jimmy kissed Barrow's neck with little pecks. Thomas' neck was still warm and smelled of the sheets. He drank in the heat of Thomas' skin and began to suck. He slid his hands up Barrow's arms and gripped his shoulders.

"Ooo," Thomas uttered sharply. His eyes flickered shut. Jimmy's manipulations awakened his carnality. Thomas slid his hands down the younger man's back, groping for his ass, squeezing his buttocks and annihilating any space between them. Kent murmured against Thomas' skin in approval. Jimmy was hard and it wasn't just the morning stiffness of a hot-blooded youth.

"Quite the morning glory you've got there," Thomas said playfully. And with that, Jimmy pulled him down into a passionate kiss. They both moaned at the increasing fervor of their embrace. Jimmy's member felt heavy with blood to Thomas as he ground his crotch into the former's. Their prominent bulges squashed and rubbed against each other through their loose-fitting underclothes. The fullness of his own hard-on startled him. Boldly, Thomas reached into Jimmy's underpants, all the while gripping Jimmy's buttocks hard with his other hand to keep him close. After a little fumbling, he exposed the younger man's animated rod. As Thomas cupped Jimmy's balls and stroked his baton upward, Jimmy groaned soulfully. His need and hunger was laid open to Barrow. Thomas opened his eyes to catch a glimpse of young James. His head was tilted back and he was biting his lip. The under-butler leaned forward and whispered in his companion's ear.

"Your turn." Thomas took one of Jimmy's hands and guided it to his own protrusion. The footman leaned into Barrow's collarbone as he worked the undergarment loose, the older man's hand still on his wrist. Thomas' shaft sprang up as it was freed from its confinement and he sighed. James took hold of the impressive member and Thomas moved forward instinctually. The instant their shafts touched Jimmy pushed in return so that the back of Thomas's legs touched the bed. There was nothing they could do but fall onto it. Thomas caught Jimmy in his arms and let out a short laugh. They both pushed themselves up on the small bed. Thomas kissed his partner passionately. Jimmy pushed up, his hands on Barrow's muscular chest.

"You're quite a bit older than me," Jimmy stated.

"Does that bother you?"

"No, but you must have wanted this kind of thing for longer than I have."

"Oh God yes, I have." Thomas forcibly pulled James back down on top of him and practically inhaled his mouth. Jimmy put his arms above Thomas' head and let him do as he pleased. But soon he became hot and shoveled himself back up, removing his undershirt in one swoop.

"Take me again." Thomas looked up at Jimmy with great devotion. His eyes were aflame.

"There are other ways, you know." He could take advantage of this young man so easily, but he couldn't do that to him.

"I know," Jimmy whispered.

Thomas shifted himself so that he was sitting up. The fair and beautiful footman now straddled him, his legs stretched out on either side of Barrow's waist. James looked like a Pre-Raphaelite shepard boy as the morning light shone through his hair. Thomas' own black hair glistened almost blue in that same light. A thick strand fell down over his forehead after he had taken his own shirt off over his head. Jimmy blended it back in and straightened Barrow's hair with the back of his nails. Thomas reached behind the other's neck, kissing him once again. Their lips remained locked as Thomas overpowered him. Jimmy was soon flat on his back, his head was at the foot of the bed. Thomas reached down and ran his hands up the younger man's inner thighs until his legs were widely parted.

"Hold your knees." Jimmy followed the soft command. Thomas put his own thumb to his tongue , letting a good deal of moisture rest there. He brought it down to his cock's head and made it wet. Jimmy swallowed. His opening, though tightly closed, was ready. As Thomas was about to move forward he thought in the duration of a nano second how wonderful this was. The freedom to act upon and freely consummate his passion was sublime. Without warning they heard a sharp knock at the door. Icy arrows had pierced their hearts as they lay there without a sound. Alfred's voice asked Jimmy if he was awake yet.

"I'm just getting dressed. Be down in a couple o' minutes."

"You'd better or Carson'll be on the warpath."

"Oh Christ, go away you overgrown git!" Jimmy whispered. They listened to Alfred's heavy footsteps dying away and breathed nervously. They were in the very place where Thomas had been caught kissing a sleeping and non-consenting Jimmy.

"God, I thought we were done for," Thomas said, dropping his head.

"Don't stop; we've got to move quickly." The urgency in Jimmy's voice enflamed his partner. Thomas took his cock in his hand and guided it to the other's orifice. When the tip was fully inside, Thomas put all his weight on both arms. The danger had its advantage; it made every movement that much more intense. Thomas' saliva made his entrance easier on Jimmy. The latter tried to relax as much as he could so that it wouldn't hurt but it was still a bit of a shock even after the previous night. Barrow was not a small man in any sense of the word and filled Kent completely.

"Huh!" The younger man's reaction made Barrow's cock twitch and an involuntary buck of his hips produced the same sound from Jimmy for a second time.

"Oh! Mr. Barrow!" Thomas smiled at how ridiculously formal that sounded. He felt more confident than he had done in years. The shaft began to slide more freely with every slow and deliberate stroke and Jimmy reached for his own. His hardness was just as great as Barrow's and just as ready. The feeling of Thomas' heavy balls on his backside made him groan almost too loudly.

"Shhhh," Thomas said soothingly, "Steady." He thought to himself that he may need to be told the same thing when he was coming but almost didn't care. It was a rather foolish thought but he was heading toward mind-numbing bliss with great speed and his worry was not the first thing on his mind. He began to grunt in breath-like sounds as he worked his shaft in and out of Jimmy. The footman felt the fever of the moment come upon him and he worked his own manhood with vigor. He was seriously close and the more quickly Thomas pounded into him, the more he was in danger of calling out. Thomas was working hard to get him to cum but it was paying off. Jimmy's quiet, pleading moans became more strained until at last he came and he swore. His cum spurted up onto Thomas' chest. The older man was ready to lose himself as well. His final thought was a warning not to bray too loudly and suddenly he couldn't think at all.

"Doh!" His hips bucked rapidly through the last throes and he shivered and collapsed.

"Oh Jimmy," Thomas said in disbelief, gasping. He laughed with relief. He moved his arms up over Jimmy's head and cradled him with his hands. His kisses were gentle, caring. There was no blackmail, no roughness. Jimmy wasn't going to betray him, he was sure of it. After all the time they had been friends they had built up a trust together. The Duke had wanted a dalliance and someone who he could discard. Jimmy was different. Perhaps it was because they were both of the same class, Thomas thought to himself. That wasn't all, he supposed, but he couldn't make Jimmy feel obligated to a relationship. He so wanted it to be something more than a passion. He wanted a real relationship and that startled him. He resolved to speak to Jimmy about this later. He could wait. And there was something more urgent to think about.

"How am I going to get out of here without being seen?" Jimmy opened his eyes. His breathing had become less heavy.

"Oh damn," Jimmy sighed, "I wish we could lie here forever."

"I know." Thomas began to pull out.

"No," Jimmy said desperately pulling him into a kiss, his hands gripping the back of Barrow's neck. Thomas took Jimmy's face in his hands. They unwillingly parted. Thomas pulled out fully, a trickle of cum escaped Jimmy's opening. He got off the bed stiffly and stretched. Jimmy admired Thomas' splendid body; his chest was wide and strong, his member still proud, his muscular arms extended like a Greek marble statue, beautifully carved, every angle both soft and sharp defined with exquisite clarity. Thomas had not seen his admirer's glances and turned 'round to pick up his undergarments.

"Don't know how I'm going to think straight today," Thomas chuckled as he pulled his pants back on. Jimmy looked at him sadly. The footman's silence made Thomas look back. He exchanged Jimmy's glance with knowing melancholy as if to say, "this is our fate." They would have to conceal their intimacy. Both lovers looked at the floor. Jimmy got up and went to his dresser for his clothes.

"Alfred will rap your knuckles if you're not down soon." Jimmy laughed and smiled up at him. Thomas went for Jimmy for another passionate embrace, perhaps the last they would ever have that day. Thomas so wanted to say he loved him but forced the words back into his throat.

"It's going to be a long day." They smiled at each other warmly and Thomas turned to the door. He opened it as silently as he could.

"Careful." Thomas nodded assuredly. They heard footsteps but they were descending the stairs. Jimmy went to the door as soon as Thomas had slipped out of it. He watched Barrow return to his room. Jimmy's heart was pounding audibly. After he closed the door he leaned against it, dropping his head back until it hit the wood. Back in his own room, Thomas did something similar, but he moved quickly to get himself together. He changed into his clothes as fast as he could. With one final brush across his pomaded hair he reached for the door-handle. His movements were now bold, free from suspicious actions and he knocked on the footman's door.

"James?" A few seconds later the individual emerged.

"You're looking very dapper today, Mr. Kent," Thomas said with some of his old smarmy seduction. Jimmy practically guffawed and shook his head, smiling. He punched his fist into Thomas' shoulder playfully. They approached the stairs.

"You first." Jimmy headed down and Thomas followed; a look of deep love was in eyes.


	3. Fumbling

It was one of those days when the entire Downton staff doubted the value of its own existence. What a fruitless drudge it all seemed to be. No one was in a good mood. By the time everyone dragged themselves off to their rooms it was very late indeed. Yet there had been moments of secret excitement. Jimmy had been eyeing Thomas all day. The sideways glance, the near wink that made Thomas wince with apprehension, the deliberate brush of their arms as they passed eachother around the great house. Thomas narrowed his eyes at him with serious warning but it never seemed to work. He'd awoken a kind of vamp in Jimmy and it was remarkable how foolish the younger man was becoming. These thoughts and visions passed through the under-butler's mind as he stood in the now silent kitchen, drinking a mug of water, staring at nothing in particular. No one was around. Thomas made his way up the stairs, his head hanging down. He rubbed his eyes as his other hand ran up the bannister, his body heavy.

"Oh, hello Jimmy." The blonde stood obstinately at the top of the stairs, blocking the way so that Thomas's face was level with his own. Thomas puzzled at him and then looked around quickly.

"Jimmy," he hissed, "You've been reckless all day. Are you trying to get us into trouble?" The footman ignored him and reached for the other's waist, pulling him closer. Thomas eyed every door, every opening with great fear but made no sound, unwilling to make any kind of commotion. He inhaled deeply. Jimmy's warm hand, so soothing after a long day, was the very thing that could bring about the end of both their lives.

"I've checked, everyone's in their rooms," Jimmy reassured him. Thomas gripped the stair rail hard, his knuckles were white. He clenched his teeth.

"But they could come out any second–." Jimmy slipped his hand behind Thomas' head and captured his lips before he had a chance to continue. The thought of someone coming upon them kissing in the hallway scared the complete piss out of Barrow but Jimmy's lips were incredibly suculent. With any willpower he had left he pulled away hard. Luckily, only a soft sound escaped their parting lips. Thomas looked at him in horror.

"We really can't be doing this." Jimmy looked him in the eyes and groped him. Thomas screwed up his eyes._ "God no, Jimmy, this is so unfair, you can't do this to me,"_ he thought in anger. He fought against the pleasure but his body responded involuntarily. He was growing quickly and Jimmy made it worse, massaging his groin tantalizingly, teasing him mercilessly.

"Christ, stop!" Thomas breathed, his brow still furrowed. Jimmy didn't let go; the feeling of Thomas' bulge hot in his hand was too wonderful for words. Thomas could feel them both being dangerously close to losing control of their actions right then and there. His mind and body were nearly helpless from exhaustion. He could have surrendered to his own arousal at that moment, unclasped his own trousers in a second, but he pulled himself away from the brink. He took Jimmy's wrist and wrenched it away with great force.

"Do you want to go to prison?"

"Of course not," Jimmy said exasperated, looking down at Thomas' hand that was tight around his wrist. He found Thomas glaring at him. The danger the younger, inexperienced man had put them in was not a laughing matter. All the fear Thomas had ever had about discovery filled that moment and for a second he hated Jimmy. Yet he felt oddly responsible introducing him to such pleasure but not telling him how to control it, to repress it even. Jimmy looked back at him, hurt but incensed. They both breathed heavily.

"Fine." Jimmy whipped his hand away, and turned around. Thomas repeatedly called after him in the angriest of whispers, mounting the last step.

"Jimmy, don't be a girl about it!" he hissed loudly for him to hear as he stalked off. Jimmy slammed the door just loud enough to get a slightly infuriated Carson emerging bleary-eyed and rumpled in the hallway.

"I-I think the door slipped out of his hand, Mr. Carson." Carson wasn't buying it; he gave Thomas a disapproving look, tightened his dressing gown and went back to his room. Thomas dropped his shoulders and his head. He put his face in his hands in complete frustration.

"What a day," he mumbled as he headed toward his own room. Once inside, he stood still, unsure of what to do. Suddenly he slammed his fist down on the bed, producing a dull thud. He swore through his teeth and headed back toward the door.


	4. Quite the Reverse

Thomas crept back into the hall, wondering how many years he'd have to keep on doing this, lurking under Carson's nose. The under-butler knocked as softly as he could on Jimmy's door. The footman must have been standing because the door opened very quickly and Thomas was ushered in instantaneously. What illusion of safety they had was a closed door.

"Look, Jimmy, I'm sor-." Thomas didn't have time to finish before Jimmy's lips crushed onto his own, the footman's hands gripped the back of Thomas' head with great force, nearly knocking him backward. Thomas seized him passionately, pushing them straight again just in time before they nearly hit the door. They broke apart to steady themselves.

"Christ, that would have woken a few people up." Jimmy looked down after Barrow's remark, sheepish.

"I'm sorry about..."

"I know. But that can never happen again. We can't take that great a risk. It's dangerous enough in our rooms."

"I'm sorry, I don't know what came over me."

"_I _do." Thomas grabbed Jimmy hard, kissing him, opening their mouths in wild ecstasy. Jimmy moaned. They were almost sloppy with lust, their mouths opening and closing, tongues languorously caressing, their bodies warming to the core as they stumbled further into the room. They reclined on the bed with an oomph not quite disengaging their lips and hands. Yet, they parted lips to undress one another, occasionally stopping to place a kiss on the other's face. Soon, their braces hung down at their sides, their bare chests were exposed and their skin slid softly together as they embraced. Panting and beginning to sweat they stopped, lying half in each other's arms, half apart to cool down their sexual fervor. They sighed.

"Thomas, I..."

"What?"

"I don't know what to say, you give me such pleasure. I've been thinking about you all day."

"I know. The look you gave me in the kitchen," Thomas softly whistled, "I thought we were done for." Jimmy sighed with displeasure.

"I said I was sorry." Thomas kissed his hair.

"I was glad to know you wanted me." Jimmy embraced him more fully, closing his eyes. For a time they laid there in the silence, safe and warm, their naked skin cooling slightly. Thomas opened his eyes.

"You know what I keep doing to you?" Thomas said drowsily, almost mumbling.

"What exactly?" There was humour in Jimmy's voice.

"Like the first time, when I... you know."

"Oh yes. What about it?"

"Why don't you have a go...doing that to me," he suggested softly, rubbing Jimmy's hair.

"I – ah...I'm worried... I'm worried I won't be any good."

"You'll be fine. I'll help you." Jimmy turned to face him, he searched his eyes, his heart beat with anticipation. They slowly began to unfasten each other's trousers. The heat began to rise again. Their trousers quietly slumped to the floor. Thomas turned away and got down on all fours, Jimmy licked his lips and wiped his mouth nervously. Thomas missed the look of concern on the footman's face. Jimmy cleared his throat and ran a hand up Thomas' back, then two. He caressed and rubbed tenderly. Thomas breathed out through his nose a great puff of satisfaction. He let Jimmy work on him for a while but soon he needed more. Pushing his backside into Jimmy softly, he hoped he'd take the hint. He certainly felt Jimmy respond at least involuntarily. The sensation of the footman's ivory accelerated his need.

"Jimmy," he breathed hungrily. The younger man nodded and positioned himself at Thomas' tightness.

"No, use some saliva."

"I've got to gob on my hand and then..."

"Yes." Thomas tried not to sound desperately impatient. Tentatively, Jimmy deposited a large wad of saliva on his hand and worked it over his cock. When the air hit it it felt cold and twitched slightly upward. He was ready. Going by the only reference he knew, he did what Thomas had done that first time; he held onto Barrow's hips. Thomas breathed more rapidly and gripped the bedspread. Kent felt something in him that was like fear but like happiness also. He slid his hands down Barrow's torso and rested them on the strong hips before guiding himself between Thomas' buttocks.

"Yes," Thomas whispered approvingly. Jimmy watched the head disappear and closed his eyes, savoring every second as it slid in half-way. It was all Thomas could do not to jump. He had almost forgotten the sensation and how tight one was.

"Steady as she comes." Jimmy had trouble getting it in, but the saliva was helping. After a couple careful tries, and a few oos and ahs from Thomas, Jimmy was in all the way. He rested on Thomas' back and Thomas himself arched up to meet him. Jimmy kissed his neck sensuously, running and rubbing his hands all over Barrow's solid torso, across nipples and stomach, ribs, flesh. The under-butler trembled with anticipation as he felt Jimmy's hands moving lower, lower. Jimmy reached around in front of Barrow's thighs and grasped his cock. Vigor shot down the length of Thomas' member like an electric current and he called out.

"Oh Jimmy; do you think you can manage both?" There was a pleading softness to Thomas' voice, without hint of doubt or condescension. Jimmy didn't say whether or not he could take charge of both needs, but he gave it a damn good try. He tightened his grasp, simultaneously thrusting forward. It was Thomas' turn to whimper.

"Am I... is it right?"

"God. Yes," Thomas breathed, "Harder." Jimmy obeyed. His diligent naïveté seemed to please Thomas who responded by nudging his backside into him. With every push Jimmy felt his own pleasure coming upon him, he was gaining speed more quickly than he thought, but with it he was losing grip on Thomas' raging hard-on. He felt Thomas fall forward onto his shoulders and a hand join him on Barrow's aching rod. Their hands worked together to bring him off.

"Almost... there," Thomas panted. Jimmy was deeper inside Thomas than he ever imagined. He moved a hand down to Barrow's thigh and forcibly hauled his body onto his at the same moment his other hand tightened over his partner's cock. Thomas exploded with pleasure, moaning into the mattress, his waves of ecstasy setting Jimmy free. Kent's bucking took off at a frenetic pace and he came wildly, only just remembering to curb his noise. His mouth was open wide, gasping for air. They rocked together in a series of slow bucks until they collapsed, all passion spent.

"Did I pass the test?" Jimmy laughed wearily. Thomas nodded in the lethargy of happy exhaustion, breathing out his nose.

"Christ."

"I'm glad you approve," Jimmy said softly into Thomas' neck as he lay on top him. He pulled out but let his distended manhood nestle between Barrow' cleft. He rubbed him down, hungrily feeling the muscles beneath him. _The power in this man's body_, Jimmy thought to himself, _he must have been in great torment all these years_. He kissed Barrow between his shoulder-blades and all around his upper back, spreading his hands wide over his dewy skin.

"Jimmy," Thomas whispered into the sheets, tears brimming in his eyes, tears Jimmy could not see. The care in Jimmy's touch, whatever the young man's feelings were for him, was more kind than any sensation he had felt before. He fought so hard not to weep but he did ever so softly. Jimmy stopped suddenly as he realized what was happening.

"Thomas?" No answer, just breathing.

"'ey, 'ey," Jimmy said kindly, taking his shoulders. Thomas sobbed into the mattress to muffle the sound. James kissed up his neck and wiped some tears away. He drew a few strands of hair out of his face.

"Shit, now you think I'm some blubbering..."

"No...no." Jimmy nestled his head next to Barrow's and whispered to him, "It's alright." He wanted to ask him why he was crying, but he knew. Thomas had been tortured with longing for many years and now this kindness and affection was almost too much to bear. And it was the least Jimmy could do after he had comforted him that first time. _No, that wasn't it_, he thought to himself, _It's because I care about him_. The thought almost frightened him. It wasn't some passing fling that he would grow out of. Dare he say "love" even in his own mind... Thomas reached up into Jimmy's hair as he sobered himself.

"I'm sorry."

"Why should you be sorry?" Jimmy asked, closing his eyes, content in the feeling of his body across the length of another, against Thomas' body. No answer. They breathed contentedly for some considerable length of time.

"Jimmy? Jimmy?!"

"Ummmm?"

"If we fall asleep and someone finds us..." Jimmy was torn from his bliss with a jolt.

"Oh God!"

"I'd better go."

"Uh, no, I'm so comfortable," Jimmy sighed as he pushed himself up. Although it was good to have the weight off of him, he wanted Jimmy back as soon as he had separated from him. He turned over onto his upper back, resting on his elbows to watch Jimmy stand; he caught his arm and pulled him back down for another sensuous kiss. They held eachother's faces.

"Goodnight," they whispered tenderly.

"Must be the small hours now." Jimmy reluctantly pushed himself off the bed and stood up to put his on his nightwear. Thomas followed his example and put his clothes back on.

"Doesn't seem much point in putting these back on," Thomas said, gesturing to his trousers. They smiled at one another. Barrow headed toward the door but caught Jimmy's hand.

"Thank you for not laughing at me."

"I could never do that." Thomas pressed Jimmy's hand to his lips and turned half-way to the door.

"Neither of us will want to get out of bed tomorrow."

"Oh don't," Jimmy said, grimacing, shaking his head. Thomas looked at the beautiful footman, longing to say how much he loved him, but not daring.

"Tomorrow."

"Tomorrow."


	5. Archway

The hollow sound of a fist on a closed door echoes the pounding of the heart. Jimmy Kent thought something akin to that as he approached Thomas Barrow's room. He could almost hear the under-butler's hushed scolding as he filled his lungs with air, risking the safety of denial and secrecy. He was about to knock again when he heard Daisy's soft voice not too far off to his right. Jimmy fairly leapt in the air as he turned round. Daisy stood peaking 'round the corner down the hallway.

"Sorry, I heard you knocking and I wondered who was awake," she puzzled, "Were you looking for Mr. Barrow?"

"Um, yes, I...was going to borrow Thom-erm-Mr. Barrow's dumbbells." That was perhaps not the best phrase to use in the circumstances and Jimmy could have slapped himself over the head for it, but he remained calm.

"Oh," Daisy said, nodding, "I think he's in the yard."

"Thanks, I'll...go and ask him. Night Daisy."

"Night Jimmy." She made her way to her room with her usual lively trot, leaving Jimmy standing there in silence. He felt as if he was floating, not awake and then found he was walking down the hall and down the stairs. Once he was out in the cool night air in the kitchen yard it only took him a few moments to locate the glow of Thomas' cigarette.

"Thomas?" Jimmy asked cautiously as he made his way to one of the church-like archways. His trepidation faded as Thomas came into clearer view.

"Hello, Jimmy." Thomas exhaled a stream of white smoke made all the more vibrant by the blue-tinted night sky.

"Daisy said you were down here."

"You told her you were looking for me?"

"Don't worry," Jimmy said, holing up a hand, "I just told her I wanted to borrow your dumbells."

"Oh well," Thomas sucked on his cigarette, "I suppose that's alright." He was leaning on the inside of an archway, ankles casually crossed. Jimmy watched him busy with his vice as he took the other side of the curve. He adopted the same attitude and turned to his right to continue his gaze. His inhaled as if preparing for speech.

"We haven't had much time to talk today."

"No," Jimmy sighed, pushing his hands deeper into his pockets. The night air was starting to chill him. He imagined the hot smoke curling in Thomas' mouth and filling his lungs. Thomas eyed the footman and held out the cigarette.

"No thanks." Thomas exhaled. Things had been a little awkward between them since Thomas had cried the night before. The embarrassment was not exclusive to Thomas, as Jimmy had been thinking about the deeper emotions the older man felt for him. The footman didn't want to think of his own feelings for a minute; all this buggery might mean something more to him. In fact, he knew it did. _What then?_ he thought. How could he live as Thomas does? This public exile, deceiving all who looked at him by acts they never knew he committed. Yet, he felt no shame. _I don't know what to think_, he heard echo in his mind as he cast his eyes to his shoes.

"Penny for 'em? I thought you came out here to talk."

"What? Oh, right."

"Well?"

"I was just thinking about the future," Jimmy said slowly, expecting no response.

"What kind of future do any of us have in this life, working here," Barrow sighed as if the wind had been taken out of his sails.

"I thought you were more ambitious than that, Thomas."

"Not in the same way I used to be." Jimmy looked at him sadly. It wasn't that he wanted Thomas to be ruthless, but he did want him to fight as he did before. He wanted to see that spirit he had seen when he first arrived at Downton. If only that energy could be used for the good. Perhaps he could mock him into tenaciousness.

"Not as ruthless?" Thomas fought a smile and lost.

"Don't you go thinking that's your doing!" Jimmy smiled and laughed softly.

"I think I helped a bit." Thomas' smile faded a little as Jimmy smirked amiably.

"And don't you think I've gone soft now!"

"Oh I know you haven't," Jimmy scoffed, indicating Thomas' trousers. The under-butler tilted his head and punched Jimmy in the arm who laughed and punched back. They chuckled silently, mock-fighting and ending in an embrace. Quickly, Thomas moved them to behind a pillar to avoid the possibility of them being seen; the cigarette was lost in the scuffle. Jimmy's back was pressed to the cold stone and he shivered. Thomas took Jimmy's mouth hungrily as he gripped the back of the young man's neck. The softness of the footman's blonde locks, made deliciously cold by the night air, stimulated Thomas all the more. His fingers and tongue explored wildly. Jimmy responded with yearning mouth. Chasm to chasm they inhaled eachother. The warmth spread outward from their mouths like wildfire to their chests and soon down to their toes so that they were glad of the chilly night air upon their skin. Jimmy clung to Thomas tightly, his right hand finding the back of Barrow's waistcoat; his fingers worked between the fabrics and found his waistband and there his hand rested. Thomas pulled closer in response, arms wrapping around Jimmy's back. The latter moved his hands under Barrow's jacket, digging his fingertips in hard. They moved together in this way for some minutes, savoring every second. Thomas pressed closer, moving his lips to Jimmy's neck, sucking, osculating, devouring; his partner moaned. He whispered, "_Thomas, Thomas_."

The moonlight, though pale, walled them into their dark sanctum. The irony escaped them. They were two lovers protected by the light that, if entered, would set flame to their lives. How they danced between fire and ice. _If only things were different_, they both thought. Yet their forbidden acts of love slew the danger in their minds and they were free, if only for a moment or two. Jimmy's thoughts of the future, his guilt, and the confusion of it all were taken away by the wonder of sensation. He let his head fall slowly back against the stone as he thought how he would like to fall asleep to Barrow's ministrations. In eagerness, Thomas' foot scraped on the stone walk which jogged his memory.

"Where's me cigarette?" Jimmy inhaled deeply as if waking from luxurious slumber.

"Huh?"

Thomas pulled away and knelt down for the cigarette which was still lit. Jimmy reeled from the lost contact, respiring deeply, eyes half mast. Thomas looked up at Jimmy as he put the cigarette between his moist lips and drew in with a powerful breath. The footman looked down at the dark-haired man as smoke wafted up to his face and dissipated before him. Thomas put his hands on Jimmy's thighs, gripping them firmly. Their eyes communicated what they could not say. Thomas handed Jimmy the cigarette which he took between his fingers. James closed his eyes as he felt his trousers being unfastened. He inhaled with anticipation as Thomas' vice-like grip engulfed his legs. Warm lips came into contact with the head of his cock and he began to tremble; his hands pressed flat to the stone, the glowing end of the cigarette threatened to reach his fingers. Not so long ago he would have thought this a vulgar act but now his pleasure increased ten fold as Thomas filled his mouth with his hardening shaft for the first time. Barrow's mouth was hot from smoke and desire.

_Thomas, Thomas..._

Jimmy fought the urge to swear and groan too loudly but flinched when he thought he felt Barrow's teeth graze across his member. Thomas reached underneath Jimmy's balls as his tongue met the base of the youth's manhood. Jimmy puffed and panted at the teasing sensations, feeling the need to beg every time Thomas pulled away. He felt a hand come up behind his buttocks, between his cleft; his pants and trousers dropped to his ankles. Thomas sped up, sucking harder in wave-like motions as he dug his left thumb into Jimmy's inner thigh, pulling him closer, deeper, with his right hand. Thomas had begun to breathe hard through his nose which Jimmy suddenly became aware of.

"You... alright?" Thomas disengaged just long enough to say yes. Jimmy slipped his hand behind Barrow's head. The latter was determined to bring him off with his mouth. With every deliberate movement of Thomas' gaping mouth, Jimmy lost more and more control. All he could seem to manage was to entwine his fingers in that thick black hair. Thomas worked his final treatment and Jimmy came with a helpless cry, bucking his hips, throwing his head back the moment he called out and pitching forward the next, moaning repeatedly. With one final long suck Thomas swallowed and stroked Jimmy's cock as he pulled it out of his mouth. Jimmy's only function was to remain standing, gasping for breath. He felt Thomas slip the cigarette out from between his fingers. When he had regained himself he looked down at Thomas who was smiling up at him, smoking.

"Wanted to talk, eh?" Jimmy looked down at him.

"I don't think I was the one in control."

"True."

"Don't look so smug."

"Why not?" Thomas pushed on his legs to get up. He put a hand on Jimmy's shoulder. They didn't say anything.

"Something wrong?" Jimmy held Thomas' face in his hands, searching his dark eyes.

"I think what I wanted to say is that, maybe the future doesn't matter." Thomas looked puzzled, his lips parted.

"I've been sort of confused," Jimmy continued, his hands slipping down Thomas' warm neck, "I've wanted you but I've been frightened." Thomas wanted to confess that he had been feeling that too, but he couldn't say it, not yet.

"I suppose it will be alright just continuing how we have been, but some days I want more, I want to stop this...this...hiding," Jimmy sighed, grasping Thomas' shoulders, "Don't you ever want that?"

"I've never been able to think about what that might be like; I don't think I – we – ever can. But Jimmy, I –," Thomas placed his own hands on Jimmy's face but a sound in the yard stopped him dead. Alfred's voice cut through the safety of the darkness.

"Christ!" They parted frantically, Jimmy pulled up his trousers and fastened them faster than he had ever done. Thomas had reached the edge of the arch before him and leaned nonchalantly, finishing the last of the cigarette. Jimmy just made it to his original spot before Alfred walked over to them. _Thank heavens his eyes weren't adjusted to the darkness, he could have seen_, Thomas thought.

"What are you doin' out here?" Thomas queried, trying to sound as arrogant as possible. _For heaven's sake, Jimmy, wipe that guilty look off your face!_ Thomas thought frantically, but was stunned when Jimmy did just that.

"I found the door unlocked."

"Yeah, I'm out here; it's my duty to shut it if Mr. Carson's gone to bed."

"Just wanted to make sure. Good thing you're here or I'd have to shut it."

"You fancy yourself butler now, do ye?" Alfred sneered.

"What are you two doing here any road?"

"Talking. Gotta unwind after a day like today."

"Well," Alfred said as he turned 'round, "Don't forget about the door."

"Yes mummy," Thomas said under his breath when Alfred was out of earshot. They breathed a sigh of relief after the door closed and descended into laughter. They became silent again. Thomas stubbed out his cigarette, crossed his arms and looked over at Jimmy.

"Convincing little liar now, aren't we?" The spiteful tone of days past lingered dangerously in Barrow's voice. Jimmy stared back at him, unflinching. He knew Thomas had been trying to say something but was now being malicious to hide his emotions. Thomas softened.

"Couldn't stand to give him the satisfaction. And it is our lives. Had to put on a show."

"And well done too," Thomas said in all sincerity, "We'd better get inside; don't want to arouse suspicion." He made his way back to the kitchen.

"Wait! What about you, now?" Thomas turned 'round, surprised that Jimmy, anyone, should care about giving him any pleasure.

"You can do that next time." Jimmy wanted to take his hand but knew he couldn't risk it for prying eyes, so he patted Thomas on the back as they made their way to the door.


End file.
